Anyone who has spent much time in the secular dating scene usually comes to discover that much of what goes on there is not based on love or friendship. Everyone seems to realize deep down that this is the case, but much of what transpires in that culture is either too embarrassing or uncomfortable to talk about. So I’d like to give a voice to certain unspoken attitudes by calling them out:   

-People exploit others, whom they view simply as objects of their desire. Men have a reputation for pursuing sex, whereas many women are driven by the desire to be in a relationship. However, like any “object,” if a person at some point no longer suits our purposes and thus is no longer desired, that person is likely to be disposed of—“use and discard” it’s been called.

-Based largely on worldly, temporal values people construct a social totem pole, in which some people are ranked higher than others. Those near the bottom are painfully aware of their position—and feel stuck there—while those at the top enjoy basking in their status.  A generally unspoken rule of dating is that you look for someone near your level on the social totem pole.

-The gap between what we want (a relationship) and what we might get if we are too forthcoming (rejection) tempts us to pass ourselves off as something other than our true selves. The game of appearances is phoniness that is part of the dating culture.

-We are likely preoccupied, not with something we can give but rather with something we want: a significant other, a relationship, or a marriage partner. We feel tension, because on the outside we pretend to be loving people, but on the inside we are something else. We shop around, looking at the “produce” and asking ourselves: “Does it measure up to what I want?” 

Selfishness, anyone?