Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

I attended a conference recently where it was suggested that whenever we give something away, we are really looking for something in return. In other words, the gift is never really free. That paradigm affects the way we think about the dating world. For example, a man may offer to pay for the evening out. Does he do this because he is a naturally loving and generous person, or is he perhaps looking for something from his date in return? If the woman offers to help pay, is it because she wants to graciously share the financial burden or because she wants to ensure that he doesn’t have a claim on her? Put more crudely, is it all about “men giving love to get sex, and women giving sex to get love,” as some have put it?

The idea that “the gift is never really free,” would also seem to describe our commercial transactions. A discounted price or “free” sample is generally offered with some benefit to the business in mind, such as a desire to get rid of excess inventory or to develop a loyal customer base. Conversely, who among us has ever offered to pay more than the asking price to help out a struggling business owner?

But every once in a while, something happens to challenge the status quo. Not long ago, we went to a restaurant where we were seated next to a large group of people, who were too noisy for our son. Without any ado, we were moved to a table further away, and we thought that was the end of it. However, when we asked for the bill, the waitress told us that it had already been paid by the other party, which had already left. “Who were they?” we asked. She said she had no idea and had never even seen them before. 

It’s holiday season. We give thanks for good gifts at Thanksgiving and Christmas.